It's a time of year where family politics get triggered, so be prepared!
Of course we're all looking forward to seeing loved ones this Christmas. And for the most part we'll have a great time over-indulging and hearing about what everyone has been up to.
But there's also the dreaded comparison-itis to watch out for.
It's typically enabled by specific members of the family (you know the ones), but anyone can be guilty. It's comments like:
- "oh that's so interesting that you've been doing that same job for 3 years now"
- "do you think you'll apply for a promotion next year?"
- "have you moved house yet?"
- "I was so proud when you got XYZ job, I'm sure your new job is great too"
- "all your friends seem to be getting settling down now"
There's nothing directly offensive about these statements, but they can feel like a punch in the stomach if they catch a subject you're feeling sensitive about. It's often the undertone or assumption behind a question that can put us on edge.
Here's 5 tips to manage that situation and protect your Christmas spirit:
1) Know that a triggering question is likely to come your way - awareness means you're less likely to get caught off guard
2) Remember that these comments come from a place of love - they want to protect you and keep you safe, which means you broadly following a life within what they consider to be societal norms
3) Decide in advance what you do and don't want to share about your year. That way you won't accidentally trigger a conversation you'd rather not have e.g. the perils of self-employment vs. employment (I've been there!)
4) Divert attention elsewhere. If they say 'how's the job search going?'. You say 'Great thanks, how was that holiday you took last month'. Deflecting a question back works most of the time - it distracts them and they'll probably enjoy talking about themselves for a bit.
5) Don't share things you're uncertain about - it will become the family topic of debate for 48 hours and you'll get a diverse range of opinions, most of which aren't valid. Your family are (probably) not experts in the current job market, current economy etc etc. By all means ask for family advice, but make sure you're asking experts too.
I hope that helps you on a couple of fronts. Firstly, you're not alone - we're all likely to get a question we'd rather wasn't asked. Secondly, you've got some tips to manage this so you can focus on what Christmas is all about - being with people you love :).
Let me know if this resonates and hit comment if you've got any more tips!
P.S. If you want a new role in 2019, I've created a free resource to help you leverage your existing network to get it - click here.